Untitled

I'm not sure what to name this post.  Amongst the many thoughts I'm left with after the long of the day, I feel a bit chaotic inside my head. I always think about what I didn't accomplish at the end of a day. What I should have done. What I should have said or more often than not, did.  Some make lists for what they set out to accomplish but instead, I make lists of "I didn't", especially at night, when the world seems to be sleeping.

Did I remember to smile at the people I came across? Did I brush off my child who just wanted to share the latest triumph? Did I remember to pray before I ate?  Did I choose kindness? Did I use a good tone with that person I love, even though I felt my heart-strings being tugged?

Tonight, I somberly sit - almost reflecting at what my regrets would be, if I had to pin-point them.  I must confess, I don't always make the right choices. Whether it would be with my spouse, my children, activities, the things I say (or don't), or even friends, I sometimes just screw up.  Who doesn't, right? I know.  And I'm not trying to beat myself up, really I'm not.  I have regrets, about certain things, but the fantastic thing about it is, I can change them - right here, right now. I can set out and work on the things, personally, that really challenge me. 

This recent train of thought is due in part to a friend.  She was in a horrific accident. It's been a while since I spoke to this friend.  We have different ideas, unfortunately, about values. We didn't fight. We didn't yell or scream. We just distanced ourselves.  I know I did. Heck, she probably did too. But what troubles me is did I do enough to make her feel the same love that Jesus has for me? Did I let her know, that even though things did happen, I was not at odds with her? Don't get me wrong, she knows Jesus. She isn't this person I look at as 'evil one'. Like I said, we just differ in opinions. But she fights for her life right now. She's 40, has a 4 year old (who, bless her heart, was also injured in the accident, but is ok!), she has a 3-week grand-baby, and an 18 year old daughter.

But here's the part that shakes me to my very core..... if this were me, would I feel like I have left behind some foundation for my children? What legacy have I left? Do they know, that they know, that they know, that I love them? Because I don't want to look back THEN and see what I COULD have done. What I should have done; should have said; could of did. 

It's unfortunate accidents like this, that I see the infinite beauty in grace. My friend.....  I don't know her future. I don't have the blue-prints, I don't know the master plan. But I do know, the best Doctor in the universe does.  This revelation I've been given tugs at my sensitive heart and I'm hearing the whispers in the wind that TODAY I can change the things I'd like to do better. Today, I can do one thing different. Today, I can lay more foundation to build upon.

We aren't promised tomorrow.... That's the message I think God is trying to speak to me.  I went to a funeral the day after Thanksgiving, tired as can be from Black Friday shopping.  I watched many, many people say their final good-byes to a man I've known since I was 6. Another fallen Soldier gone before his time. I also learned the day before Thanksgiving, that someone I've known for a long time is also pretty sick.  There is a theme here.

It's all around us..... time.... fleeting. Don't let it pass you bye.