I'm doing me again, and I like it.

It's been two years since I've last written.  So much in my life has changed.  Micah isn't destroying my house too much these days, he talks - all the time - and I can officially shower alone! 

I do not take these things lightly. 

I've been down some scary roads, these past two years.  The latest - my cancer scare.  Unbelievable. Unless you've been through it, you'll never know how it feels to be healed - miraculously. I still can't believe it sometimes.  That story is for a different day, but man. It's been a crazy two years.  

I hope to update more. I hope to share my journey with you - if you will let me.  

I'm alive. And I'm back.

...,And I'm better than ever. 

Peace of Mind....

My writings may be a bit discombobulated today, so I ask for your forgiveness first, and foremost and then for  your patience as the order is unclear, but God's message - it's unclouded.

About a week ago, I signed up for "The Christmas Story"  email devotionals. They began yesterday, but I didn't read day 1 as my punklings were home because of a snow day.  I spent most of yesterday spreading Christmas to each room in my home and playing referee to  3.5 children running a muck.  My plans for the day, my schedule - well as my Christianity teacher in high school once said - "That's a negative, Miller".  What schedule? Everything was fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, so I made do, without any MAJOR hiccups.  But I didn't read the devotional.

Today I did.

To catch you up on a really LONG story, that really I don't want to rehash, we use a bank for our bill paying peace of mind, if you will. Every month we log on, set up our payments, and our financial institution takes care of the rest.  Never have we encountered any problem. There is a first for everything and soon, through blog-form, you'll see Steve and I are the guinea pigs for firsts! 'Cause that's how we 'roll', friends. (grin) Sure enough, our first rent payment after moving in, becomes lost in the mail. MIA. No return to sender, but LOST; to have never arrived to appointed destination.  Our landlord lives just about 5-7 miles north of us, but we like paper trails. It helps us sleep at night.  (rolling my eyes)

With most bill-paying services, there are guarantees and terms of service, say like - I don't know -arriving when suppose to! We are guaranteed the payment will arrive within 5 business days.  It didn't.  In fact, it's been 15 days since the payment was mailed and it still has yet to rear it's ugly face (and it's only ugly because the money is no longer mine!) Well, there is also a little statement in terms of service that also states if any late charges are inured because the payment arrives after the guaranteed day, my financial institution will cover the late charges.  We did incur a late fee with our landlord and by December 10th, he still didn't have our check.  So, with little options to choose from, we took that day's paycheck and paid the balance owed to said landlord including the late fee.

We've been asking for answers to why this happened.  We've been promised so much, with little fruition. we have lost all faith in our financial institution for many things, including, but not limited to, being told we'd get returned calls, being told the stop check refund would be here at such-and-such time.  If they said it, the only thing we COULD count on, is it NOT happening in any way, shape or form. 

Any amount of money, when lost, is a lot of money, don't get me wrong, but I'm talking a few bucks shy of ELEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS! We have bills to pay, mouths to feed, and coffee creamer to buy people!! :)  After many polite, yet frank phone calls to the branch today, the money mysteriously arrived in our account.  Oh, and the cherry, friends, the cherry was $100 extra because of our 'trouble'.  MERRY CHRISTMAS TO US. Love, God.

The scripture verses from today's devotional were from Isaiah 7:10 thru Isaiah 8:10.  Here we have Isaiah speaking with King Ahaz - who is fearful that God isn't going to do what he said he was going to do.  He doesn't trust that God will take care of him and tells this prophet, this messenger sent by God, that he wants a "sign" from God himself. (apparently, being a prophet with a message, isn't enough!)

So Isaiah, the prophet, says to him, "Hear now, you house David! Is it not enough to try the patience of men? Will you try the patience of my God also?" (Isaiah 7:13-14) Isaiah goes into the prophecy of Mary, the virgin who births our Lord and Savior, Jesus - Immanuel. He also speaks of what is going to happen to the men there and the stakes of his doubtfulness. A land of plenty will turn into thorns and such.  And then Isaiah says to him, "Devise your strategy, but it will be thwarted; propose your plan, but it will not stand for God is with us." (Isaiah 8:10)

Too often, even in this little example, I become KING AHAZ. I doubt that God is REALLY REALLY going to see me through things.  I doubt that HIS plan is really best.  And then I step into HIS way and make a bigger mess.  I want to have a sign. I want to know (peace of mind) that what we plan, what we strategically implement, comes to fruition. Is not trusting God's promises enough? Yet we do this anyways, knowing time and again, God is faithful. Just like He was in scripture, He IS today in everything and all that we do FAITHFUL. He is EL Shaddai - GOD ALMIGHTY who moves mountains and parts seas.  He surely can fix my troubled and lost check, but maybe not in the timing or fashion that I think I need. 

So my message to you, is trust.  Trust that I AM is I AM, because no bank or person on this planet has HIS resume or portfolio. I need to stop asking for a sign because the prophecy of Jesus' birth should be enough. What a great revelation this Christmas! What a gift, to be able to hear God speak to our hearts and know that what he tells us to do or how to "move" is in his plan! That should be all the peace of mind I need at night!!

A little more is really...more

This year for my daughter's 7th birthday, we celebrated by having a Tea Party. Since her birthday falls in December we have a myriad of themes to choose from, but for ease sakes, I selected a Christmas theme. To get conversation rolling when we sat at the table, we did some introductions. I had the girls say their names, list how they knew Ruth (because we had girls from school, an old church, and then a cousin), and what they most looked forward to this Christmas (their favorite part). As I listened to the answers, my heart sighed. 2 girls mentioned family (YAY!) 5 girls mentioned presents. (typical) But only ONE girl mentioned Jesus. I know they are children, but I have to step back and ask myself, what have I done to personally make sure my children know the 'reason for the season'? Ruth was a present lover while Lydia was one of the two who mentioned family (the other was my adult sister who came along for the fun!). A little disappointing....

This birthed the idea of creating together, as a family, an advent calendar. Not just any ole calendar, but a special calender. It's going to incorporate a bible story, mostly about the birth of Christ, and an ornament they get to hang on the tree.  I got this special idea from another blogger online, so I cannot take the credit, but it is my idea to throw in the bible verse.  Every year we all visit Santa, hang up Christmas decorations and lights, decorate our trees, but what other traditions do we instill on our children, that emphasize the importance, the real reason, we celebrate Christmas? Last year, as a family we really focused on the true meaning.  Each weekend we went some place special where we would watch or see the story of Jesus' birth, in that little town of Bethlehem. We went to a church in Noblesville where we re-inacted the census, and walked down the streets of Bethlehem, and visited the markets.  We even visited the Inn where a babe was wrapped in clothing and lying in a manger.  Another day during that month, we went to a church in the evening and rode down a long road where scenes from the Bible came alive outside our car windows. The narrative CD we received driving onto the lot, told the story of Jesus' birth as we looked outside our windows and watched a reenactment. This was really cool.  We did things like this every weekend in the weeks leading up to Christmas to really drive home the point that Jesus was the gift. the reason WE celebrate.

So you can understand a little of my disappointment.  Right now in Sunday School my children are learning again about birth of Jesus. It's fresh in their minds. But I have to think, between the hustle and bustle, the excellent marketing, and the decorations, this message we send about presents and such comes from some where.  Does it begins with me? This advent calendar is another way I can share with my children why we celebrate.  The meaning of Christmas can really get 'lost' in even our best intentions.  So my goal is to be very intentional. After all, more of anything is more.

I'm very much looking forward to the advent calendar. It's something different we can do as a family that is very traditional, yet geared in preparing even the littlest of hearts, in celebrating the true meaning of Christmas. I'm going to share with you the verses we're reading in hopes that maybe through even the littlest of ways (my blog) you too can share the meaning of Christmas with you and yours.

December 8 - Luke 1:26-38
In the sixth month of Elizabeth's pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob's descendants forever; his kingdom will never end."

"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"
The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the Holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no wrod from God will ever fail."

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May your word to me be fulfilled." Then the angel left her.

Thank you Father for sending your son. Thank you for the gift you've given all of us.  Help us not lose sight of Him over the next few weeks. We celebrate you, Jesus. Prick our hearts to see you and be you to those around us this Christmas.  Help us live this Holiday season intentionally. Amen

Untitled

I'm not sure what to name this post.  Amongst the many thoughts I'm left with after the long of the day, I feel a bit chaotic inside my head. I always think about what I didn't accomplish at the end of a day. What I should have done. What I should have said or more often than not, did.  Some make lists for what they set out to accomplish but instead, I make lists of "I didn't", especially at night, when the world seems to be sleeping.

Did I remember to smile at the people I came across? Did I brush off my child who just wanted to share the latest triumph? Did I remember to pray before I ate?  Did I choose kindness? Did I use a good tone with that person I love, even though I felt my heart-strings being tugged?

Tonight, I somberly sit - almost reflecting at what my regrets would be, if I had to pin-point them.  I must confess, I don't always make the right choices. Whether it would be with my spouse, my children, activities, the things I say (or don't), or even friends, I sometimes just screw up.  Who doesn't, right? I know.  And I'm not trying to beat myself up, really I'm not.  I have regrets, about certain things, but the fantastic thing about it is, I can change them - right here, right now. I can set out and work on the things, personally, that really challenge me. 

This recent train of thought is due in part to a friend.  She was in a horrific accident. It's been a while since I spoke to this friend.  We have different ideas, unfortunately, about values. We didn't fight. We didn't yell or scream. We just distanced ourselves.  I know I did. Heck, she probably did too. But what troubles me is did I do enough to make her feel the same love that Jesus has for me? Did I let her know, that even though things did happen, I was not at odds with her? Don't get me wrong, she knows Jesus. She isn't this person I look at as 'evil one'. Like I said, we just differ in opinions. But she fights for her life right now. She's 40, has a 4 year old (who, bless her heart, was also injured in the accident, but is ok!), she has a 3-week grand-baby, and an 18 year old daughter.

But here's the part that shakes me to my very core..... if this were me, would I feel like I have left behind some foundation for my children? What legacy have I left? Do they know, that they know, that they know, that I love them? Because I don't want to look back THEN and see what I COULD have done. What I should have done; should have said; could of did. 

It's unfortunate accidents like this, that I see the infinite beauty in grace. My friend.....  I don't know her future. I don't have the blue-prints, I don't know the master plan. But I do know, the best Doctor in the universe does.  This revelation I've been given tugs at my sensitive heart and I'm hearing the whispers in the wind that TODAY I can change the things I'd like to do better. Today, I can do one thing different. Today, I can lay more foundation to build upon.

We aren't promised tomorrow.... That's the message I think God is trying to speak to me.  I went to a funeral the day after Thanksgiving, tired as can be from Black Friday shopping.  I watched many, many people say their final good-byes to a man I've known since I was 6. Another fallen Soldier gone before his time. I also learned the day before Thanksgiving, that someone I've known for a long time is also pretty sick.  There is a theme here.

It's all around us..... time.... fleeting. Don't let it pass you bye.

Does this ring true in your life, right now?

It does mine - and I'm not afraid to admit it.  Parenting is tough stuff.  I'm sure those with children can testify! But when you're parenting alone.... what's your rock? As a married parent, that rock generally for me is Steve. Unfortunately, his work schedule ordains that he be gone regularly which can be very frustrating, toilsome, and down right inconvenient (especially when things go wrong - EVERY day).

I found solace in this devotional I subscribe to and I wanted to share it.  Holidays bring an assortment of emotions to everyone around me.  Some of my friends are dealing with a loss of a loved one, some are waiting patiently for a divine intervention from Christ himself, and some are struggling with just day-to-day business. Add that to the stereotypical Holiday strife and it can be a very hurtful combination.

This was just the reminder I needed this morning, after what feels like a long week, with out my 'rock'. Thank you Jesus that THIS was the first thing I went to this morning. God Bless Parenting Design for always hitting me square between the eyes, with TRUTH!


Growing Faint 
Ps. 61:2: From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart goes faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I (NIV).
How often do we cry out for security and strength? As a parent, probably often! There will be times we will have to be led to a rock higher than ourselves so we can see beyond our present struggles to the future God has in store for us. Sometimes we have to be lifted up to see life from God's eternal perspective. In this passage, David recognizes the higher "rock" as a place of safety and power and he knows only God can lead him there.
Parenting can sometimes make you feel faint-hearted, but God wants you to use those times to pray to Him for security and strength. James 1:5 says that those who ask will be given wisdom. Wisdom is one way God lifts you up to the higher rock.
(I LOVE THIS PART!!!!!!!!!!) Remember, you are never confined to your present situation. Trust God to lift you to a higher place and give you His eternal

Be Blessed
<n>